Lost Forever
by ashdemon
Summary: A fight, a flight, and now a search. Will everything just calm down or will it end with one ? R
1. I'm Sorry

Lost Forever  
Chapter 1: I'm Sorry

A/N: Story 8 and I haven't even completed my other 7.sighs Oh well. Hope you enjoy this one as well.

Disclaim: Why would you even dare to think that I owned them? I don't even know them.

Tears. They're always there ready to leak but why did they have to come out then? In front of them? It wasn't suppose to happen, I didn't mean to. Why did it all happen? Well, they won't have to see me any more though. I'm not going back. I never will.

- - -

The sun was setting on another day. Another cold, lonely day. Finding shelter wasn't a big deal since I hadn't moved in days. I was planning to move tomorrow but for some reason, I had a feeling that I was going to have to stay. I pulled out the blanket I had stuffed into my bag with a few other things and curled up under it. I pulled out the journal I was using to keep track of the days passing and opened it. I began writing.

_January 14_

_Another cold day almost over. I have a feeling it's going to snow tomorrow. The cloud on the horizon and the temp sure go with my feeling. Well, maybe tomorrow I'll be able to move again._

I closed the journal and sighed. I was going to have to get another journal soon and I didn't want to leave the little shelter I had found. I placed the journal back and rested my head on my bag.

The wind begins to blow hard. The shelter I had found held against the hard wind but I had to jump up and bolt the doors and windows shut. No way was I going to be woken up by the cold wind. I looked out the last window I bolted and sighed. A blizzard was hitting hard and I had a feeling there was no where to go than back to sleep or at least try to.

"Silver," I said.

A grey wolf, up to my waist at its shoulders walked over. She was limping and I sighed. I wasn't as smart as Donnie but I did the best I could for Silver's front, right leg. I knelt and held my hand out. She placed her rapped leg onto it and I started to undo the bandages.

"Here." Gauze was placed next to me and I looked up. A girl with raven black hair that ended in the middle of her back hazel eyes connected with mine. She smiled and knelt next to me and helped me rewrap Silver's wound.

"Thanks Kat," I said, smiling. Silver licked Kat's face, her ears flat. I chuckled. "Looks like Silver's glad you helped too."

Kat laughed as Silver started playing with her. I sat there, smiling. I looked out the window as the storm calmed.

- - -

"Do you think we'll be able to start moving again?" Kat asked me as she propped herself up on her elbows next to me. "Silver's pups are able."

"I know but it all depends on this storm," I said looking at her. Kat looked at the little pup between us and began petting it. I placed my hand on hers. "Maybe another day here would be good for everyone. Even Shadow."

Shadow was the pup between us. She was the runt of the litter and wasn't growing as fast as her siblings. Kat was instantly in love with the little pup when we had found Silver. I looked over at Silver and the other 4 pups. I sighed and looked back at Kat.

"We'll all be fine no matter when we travel."

Kat nodded and went back to sleep. I stared at the ceiling for about 2 hours till I fell asleep as well.

- - -

I opened my eyes. Something wasn't right. I shifted and looked at Kat. She was still asleep. I looked at Shadow who was awake.

"Did you wake me up?" I whispered. Shadow stood and walked towards Silver and her other pups. I watched to see Silver and the other 4 pups up as well. Silver stood and limped towards the door and sat in front of it. I stood up quietly and walked over to the door. Shadow began to paw at the door next to Silver. I took the bolt off of the door and opened it. Silver and her pups leaped out into the night and I looked around. There wasn't any snow on the ground and it was a full moon out. I looked around and I noticed three figures in the shadows.

"How did they-"

"I led them here," Kat said walking over.

"What?"

"I had no choice."

A blade was placed in front of her neck and pressed against it. I looked for my weapons but didn't find them. A snicker came from behind me and I turned to face Donnie who was holding my weapons.

"Give them back Donnie," I said.

"Try and get them from me."

He turned and bolted. I began to chase after him. I slid to a stop as a howl went up. I looked around and saw myself surrounded by wolves. I stepped back one step and saw Silver step forward, teeth bare. I looked for an opening but didn't see any. I had to get out of this mess. Too late. The wolves jumped at me and tears left my eyes.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled.

"Raph!"

A/N: Hope you like it. Chapter 2 is taking it's time.


	2. Long Story Short

Lost Forever  
Chapter 2: Long Story Short

Disclaim: I don't own or know the TMNT

"Raph!"

I bolted to a sitting position, breathing hard and cold sweat drenching me. When the reality that it was just a nightmare settled, I couldn't help but bury my face in my hands and cry. A hand was placed on my shoulder and I continued crying, not caring. I don't know how long I cried but when I stopped, I was worn out. I looked up to see Kat smiling gently at me and I smiled back. She rapped her arms around my neck and held tight. I hesitated before I rapped my arms around Kat. When she pulled away, I knew instantly something was wrong.

"What is it?"

"3 of the pups had died last night and the 4th one is really sick," Kat said, tears coming to her eyes.

"Shadow?"

"She's the only one who is still healthy," Kat said. I looked at Silver and saw that she was rejecting the 4th pup. When the 4th pup got close, Silver stood and sat somewhere else. Soon the little pup gave up and found a corner to curl up in. Silver walked over to Shadow and sat down. Shadow, unsure of what was going on, walked over to her mom, ears flat, and began cleaning her face. Sure enough, Silver regurgitated, showing that she accepted Shadow as her own again.

"So, what happened between you and your brothers?" Kat asked. "What ever happened, it sure causes you to run and have nightmares."

"You want the long version or the short?"

"I don't care."

- - - - -

Another day and Mike was pushing it today. I was on my last nerve and Mike was close to pushing it too far.

"Raph, you have to go and clean the kitchen. Leo said so."

"Fine."

I walk into the kitchen and find a mess. I clench my fists and tried not to lose it.

"I thought I told Mike to clean up his mess," Leo said walking over. "You ok, Raph?"

I didn't even answer. I turned and walked into the main room.

"MIKE!" I bellowed. "GET OUT HERE NOW!"

"EEP!" I heard Mike say before he disappeared behind the couch. I walked over there, pulling a sais out. "Come on Raph. Can't you take a joke?"

I grabbed Mike with my free hand and threw him over the couch. He pulled out his numbchucks and scrambled to his feet. I charged at him with both sais out and attacked with all I had.

"Guys! Stop!" Leo ran over and tried to grab my arm but I brought it around and landed it in chest. Everything just seemed to hold its breath. _Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Everything seems to listen to the blood dripping on the floor. Then, everything breaks. I take a step back, Leo collapses to a knee, Mike runs to get Master Splinter, and Don comes running over to check on Leo. _Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Another step. Everything happens in a blur, people talk but all I hear is the blood. _Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Mind running, I sprint to the surface. Harder and harder I run, not caring where I go or how far I get, all I cared about was getting the blood out of my head. _Drip…drip…drip…drip. _

"RRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!" I slowed to a stop and ran my hand over my face. Something was wet. I pulled back my hand to see nothing and then it hit me. Blood wasn't the only thing falling. Tears and right in front of my brothers. I clenched my hand and began running again. It felt like an hour pasted till I tripped and fell, not caring to get up. I just lay there, crying and trying to catch my breath. Worn out, I slip into darkness.

- - - - -

I looked at my hands. I couldn't pull myself to look at Kat. Silver walked over and sat by me and unconsciously, I began running my hand along her back. Shadow sat on Kat's lap.

"That was the short part of it. There's a bit more but I don't want to talk about it," I said, still looking at the floor.

"That's fine by me. We better start moving," Kat said, standing.

I nodded and stood too. Silver stood and walked over to Kat. Kat placed Shadow on the floor and gathered our things. I gathered the few other supplies we had and we slipped into our snow-wear, even though I hated it.

"Come on," I said. "We have a long ways to go."

Kat nodded and we left the barn with Silver and Shadow following us.


	3. The Real Reason Part 1

Lost Forever  
Chapter 3: The Real Reason Part 1

A/N: Wow. Wow. This isn't up yet? I'm so sorry.

Disclaim: I don't own the TMNT. Only my characters.

I shivered. The wind was cutting through my jacket and my hands and feet hurt. Apparently, Kat was also cold because she was shivering under the light jacket. I took off my coat and rapped it around her.

"You'll freeze," Kat said, trying not to accept the coat. "You need to wear it."

"Wear it," I said roughly. Silver trotted over and walked against my leg. My hand lay on her head and she stayed next to me. "I can stand the cold but you need to live."

"You too," Kat said, taking the coat off and throwing it around me. "Keep it on and don't take it off until we find some shelter. Ok?"

"Fine," I said, glad to have the coat back on. "Any idea where we are now?"

We had been walking for about 4-6 hours and I don't know how far we trudged each hour.

"No clue," Kat said. "Far enough to make my feet numb."

I laughed. I had to agree. My feet were numb too and Kat smiled at hearing me laugh. She likes it when I'm happy.

"We better find some shelter then," I said, a smile still on my face.

Kat smiled too and nodded. We stopped and Kat knelt down. Silver walked over to her and Kat began talking. I don't understand how she does it but each time we need a shelter, she trusts Silver to find one for them and her pup. Silver bounded off and we followed her tracks.

"At least it's not snowing with this wind," I said, looking at the icy tracks Silver had left.

"Yeah but the sun is misleading," Kat said, Shadow now in her arms. "Silver has found shelter."

I nodded at the sound of Silver's howl. Kat and I began running, or more like a ruff quick trudge, after Silver. Soon, Kat and I were outside of a cave. Silver looked at Kat before walking in. I followed Kat and sighed. It was warm and it smelt like smoke, like someone had had a fire within the cave.

"I don't think we were the first to stumble onto this cave today," I said, taking off my coat.

"Yeah," Kat said, standing Shadow on the floor. "I'll go get firewood."

"I'll unpack."

Soon, there was a fire blazing in the small cave and our stuff was spread out, especially my toes. With the fire burning, we could tell that this cave was frequently used and was changed into more of a home. Along one wall there was a stage carved into the wall for a bed, which we made a shelf, there was a bowl in the floor where fire had scorched the earth many times over, and it was pretty clean. No animal apparently lived within the cave as well or they were well cleaned up after.

"I hope whoever occupied it before us doesn't mind that we use it for tonight," Kat said. "There is a tunnel leading somewhere else back a bit in the main tunnel. It might have more room, if the occupants come back. If we can and if it is still as nice as this, we'll ask to stay in there instead."

"And if not, I guess we sleep in the snow," I said chuckling.

Kat nodded and curled up under the few covers we were sharing, facing the fire. I settled her, her back against my chest, under the few covers we had and Silver settled behind me, her back against mine. Kat was soon asleep, her chest gently rising and falling. I fell asleep when the fire was embers.

- - -

"Um, excuse me. Excuse me. You need to wake up."

"Hu?" I groaned, blinking. A new fire was blazing and someone was standing with his or her back to it. I sat up.

"Good. You're awake. There are others like you sleeping in the other rooms."

I cut the figure off by throwing the covers back, waking me fully awake and waking Kat up. Kat knew why she was woken and began packing, which I had started to do.

"Um, should I wake the others?"

"No," I said. I stopped working and faced the figure. "They can't even know we were here."

"Ok," the figure said shrugging, "but I'm not so sure it will be easy."

"Why?"

"They already know you are here." The figure looked at me. "They had asked for me to keep you here."

"I can't stay," I said, glaring at the tunnel leading out. "I need to keep running."

"May I ask why so I can let them know?"

"No," I said, my attention going back to the figure. "I need to leave without leaving a trail behind."

"Ok but the purple bandana wearing one said to let you know that Leo, whoever that is, isn't doing so well and that he is tearing himself apart from you leaving. The blue bandana wearing one never looked up from the floor and the orange bandana wearing one looked like he was going to break any day now."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Mentally, spiritually, however you want to put it."

"And the one with a blue bandana?"

"He looks as if he doesn't eat or sleep. He never even looked up either. Never gave me a hint that he knew the other two or I was there. And when I went to check to make sure they were sleeping fine, I found him outside, looking at the stars, tears streaming down his face. 'Poor guy's beating himself up too hard' the purple bandana wearing one said. I would agree."

"Does the one wearing a blue bandana have a bandage or scar underneath his left shoulder?"

"I think he had a sling for his left arm but I don't remember. I've been out hunting before dawn so I've cleared my mind of all that stuff. Sorry."

I nodded and got back to work. Within a few minutes, Kat and I were packed and leaving the cave. We passed the opening of the other tunnel without a sound and soon we were running out in the open, early morning air with Silver on our heals with Shadow. The snow was already melting, the morning air about 40 degrees Fahrenheit. It was quite nice after the biting wind yesterday.

The sun came up and we stopped to catch our breath and eat some breakfast. I watched as life around us began in the early morning, thinking over what the figure had said.

"Are you ok?" Kat asked. She was looking at my half-eaten apple and me. "You're not eating."

"Oh," I said, sighing. "Guess I'm not hungry."

"What really happened?" she asked as we started walking.

- - - - -

Leo had gotten up early as usual and I hadn't slept well so I was in the kitchen sitting at the table with a cup of water in my hands. Leo had filled a bowl full of Cheerios and sat down in front of me.

"Didn't sleep well again?" he had asked.

"Yeah," I said, thinking nothing of it. "It was more disturbing this time."

"Still on the same lines?"

"For some odd reason yes." I said after drinking some water. "I would have expected it to change by now."

"Why?" Leo asked. I looked at him. "Some dreams _can_ be on the same lines for weeks before retreating to different ones."

"Yeah but these dreams are just wrong," I said, my attention going back to my cup. "We're in love in them, Leo. Me and Mike. I don't know why and I don't want to know how. He's my brother and I can't like him that way."

"You could but you-"

"Don't want to."

We both said that at the same time and I looked at Leo who had a gentle smile on his face. I smiled back and nodded. I liked it when everyone but Leo and me were asleep. Then Leo and me could just talk if we wanted to and not have to worry about fighting. I don't know what causes us to fight but whatever it is, its usually sleeping with everyone else.

"Leo," I said, my smile disappearing and my attention going back, again, to the cup in my hands on the table in front of me, "why do I fight with Mike? I mean, all the time. I don't recall once when I'm not hitting Mike."

"I don't know Raph."

That's all he said. That's all he could say because right after that, Mike walked in and just stared at me. I blinked. Aw crud. He had overheard our conversation. Why? Why did he have to hear me?

"Mike, I-I—"

Mike turned and bolted. I jumped to my feet and ran after him. We both ran past Donnie who had a stack of papers in his arms. I followed Mike through the tunnels and up onto the surface, jumping from roof to roof. I would say it was almost fun if I wasn't trying to get Mike to listen to me.

As if a memory was revealing itself, I saw Mike fall and hit the pavement hard. I blinked and realized it wasn't real, yet. I ran harder now, not wanting anything to happen and I get blamed for it. Soon, we were both huffing and puffing to a stop. We had probably ran for an hour and now my lungs feel like they were on fire. I looked up and noticed that Mike was looked at me.

"Mike, I just want to talk."

Mike shook his head and back up one step each time I stepped forward. He was getting closer to the edge and my fear was growing. I stopped and he did too.

"Mike, I just want to talk," I said again. Mike shook his head and stepped back. He tripped over the edge of the building and I leaped to grab his hand. His hand slipped and he began to fall.

"MIKE!"


	4. The Real Reason Part 2

Lost Forever  
Chapter 4: The Real Reason Part 2

A/N: Here's the belated Chapter 4.

Disclaim: I don't own the TMNT

I leaped over the edge of the building, not thinking, and fell after him. I got closer and closer as the ground hurdled towards us. I reached out my hand and Mike reached for it. I grabbed it and then I put on one of those wall-climbing-claw things and rammed my hand into the wall we were falling next to. It stuck and we stopped. I began to tremble from the shock on what had just happened and Mike held tight to my wrist with both hands. I pulled him up and he clung to my back as I dug into my belt for the other claw. I dug that into the wall and Mike nodded. He dug into his belt and pulled out his claws and slipped them on. He made sure they were secure to the wall before letting go of me.

"You ok?" I asked, taking control over my voice.

"Y-yeah, I think so," Mike said, avoiding my gaze.

I led the way up the building and helped Mike over the edge. We both lay there, panting with fear. I watched as the clouds rolled overhead for what felt like eternity. I turn my head, finally, and look at Mike. He had his eyes closed and I placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me.

"You ok bro?" I asked. He nodded. I stood and stretched while Mike just sat up and pulled his knees to his chest. Sighing, I held out my hand to help him to his feet. He took it but pulled me towards him. I landed on top of him and he rolled me onto my back, pinning me down. "What the shell are you doing Mike?"

I tried to get from under him with no prevail. Two figures joined us and they were laughing.

"Why did you do it Raph?" the figure to my left asked, humor in his voice. "We had shared a lot when everyone was asleep."

"Why did you leave us Raph?" the figure said to my right asked, clear in his voice. "You left us to die and now we'll kill you."

"We'll wear you down by sheer numbers and then kill you with your own weapon," Mike said above me, an evil little grin on his face. "You'll die slowly and painfully."

Hundreds of Foot soldiers surrounded the two figures, Mike, and me. I looked around and jumped to my feet instantly when Mike pushed off of me. I was armed and ready. Instantly, the Foot were upon me and it felt like my energy was being drained when one Foot ninja went down. Soon, I was on my hands and knees, shaking from the amount of energy I had 'lost'. One sai had slid over to Mike and he picked it up. He walked over to me as I lifted my head. Helpless. Fear. The two feelings I never wanted to feel overwhelmed my senses as Mike raised his hand. I couldn't move. Mike brought the sai down right where my neck met my shell and I felt a sheering pain rip through my head, neck, and back.

"Wake up, Raph," Mike said with an evil grin on his face. ""Wake up."

I lost the feeling in both of my arms and I fell onto my face. In a matter of seconds, my world was consumed by red before black.

Pain grew as a gentle hand shook my body. Was I ? No, it was more of a sleep. A deep, deep sleep I didn't want to wake from. I had to though. I could feel hot tears on my face and I had to open my eyes but my eyelids felt like metal plates welded shut. I tried to lift my arm, just one, but it was heavier than a building. I had no control. I looked for control. I looked hard and deep. When I brushed it, I clung to it and held tight. I felt the control flood through my body and I forced the welded plates for eyelids open. I blinked away the blurry scene and saw that Mike was above me, crying.

It took him a bit to notice I had finally opened my eyes and when he did, he turned and ran out of the room, yelling, "He's awake! He's awake!"

I rubbed my eyes and pushed myself onto an elbow that didn't set my shoulder on fire. 4 people ran in.

"Raph!" two voices yelled at the same time as another said 'Raphael' with a sigh. Three million, or close to, questions began to fly and I just laid back down, smiling lightly to myself. All at one, the voices stopped and I looked at the people around me. Don stepped forward.

"What happened?" he asked. I blinked.

"What happened?" I asked, getting a little agitated with the question. "How the hell should I know, considering I don't believe what I thought I saw."

Leo placed a hand on Don's shoulder and stepped forward.

"Tell us what you saw," he said, commanding and gently at the same time. I so didn't feel like talking.

"I chased after Mike, he fell off the building, I leaped after him, I saved his shell and mine, we pulled ourselves over the edge back onto the roof, we laid down, then I got up, then Mike pulled me to the ground and pinned me there, hundreds of Foot appeared with two figures, I was battered and broken, and last but not least, I was stabbed where my neck met my shell by Mike with my own weapon," I said, leaving out the part that we had a few words passed between us and that I had seen Mike fall and land hard on the sidewalk. "Happy?"

"All of that happened while you fell?" Don asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Mike had looked over his shoulder just in time to see you fall into an alleyway," Don said, glancing at Mike who was standing near the door. "You landed hard on your shoulder and Mike thought that…"

He didn't finish. He didn't need to. I knew what he meant. I nodded and Don smiled. He turned and ushered everyone out. Mike eagerly ran out of the room, Leo took one more look at me before leaving and Master Splinter placed a hand on my good shoulder before leaving.

A few days passed and Don said I was healed all the way, bone wise. He said I could spar now but I had to be careful of my shoulder. I didn't listen. I eagerly went to the dojo and found that Leo, Mike, and Master Splinter were waiting. Don joined us shortly and we separated. I ended up with Mike, Master Splinter's request. I leaped into action quickly, hoping Mike would give me his all. Each time I attacked, though, he would back away. I frowned and attacked harder and harder, trying to pull Mike in to defend. I was stopped and Mike was told to practice with me like nothing had changed by Master Splinter. He nodded and we began, for real.

I attacked first and Mike blocked. I applied pressure and he braced back. Harder and hard I pushed till he pushed me off. He did a roundhouse kick, landing it on my shoulder. Pain numbed my whole left arm and I kept myself from loosing it. He said sorry and I said don't worry about it. This time Mike attacked and he hit me on the shoulder, this time with his nunchaku. The pain grew even more, having black creep into my eyes. I shook it off and prepared again, saying that I didn't block it. This time, I wasn't going to mess around. We got into our fight and not even 2 minutes later was I kneeling with my right hand holding me steady. Mike had brought a nunchaku around hard, almost blacking me out. Controlling my anger, I stood and we went at it again when it suddenly got ugly.

My wound was open again, getting over everywhere. Mike was pale with fear as I became a monster of rage from the pain. My wound got bigger as I strained my shoulder and Mike had a few cuts on him as well. The floor was getting a bit slick with the all over it and my shell and chest were drenched in .

"Raph! Stop!"

Leo ran over and tried to grab my arm but I brought a sai around and landed it in his chest. Everything just seemed to hold its breath. _Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Everything seems to listen to the dripping on the floor. Then, everything breaks. I take a step back, Leo collapses to a knee, Mike runs to his side, and Don runs to get the First Aid kit.

_Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Another step. Everything happens in a blur, people ask me questions but all I hear is Leo's and mine. _Drip…drip…drip…drip._ Mind running, I sprint to the surface. Harder and harder I run, not caring where I go or how far I get, all I cared about was getting the out of my head. _Drip…drip…drip…drip_

Tired and from loss, I collapsed on a random roof. The ground around my head began to turn red and I began to fade into unconsciousness. My vision was blurry and I realized that I was crying and had started crying as everyone was asking me questions, checking Leo, and checking me. I choked down the tears as my world became black.

- - - - -

The sun was setting and Kat was sitting against the base of an evergreen, Shadow lying by her side. I was leaning against an oak with Silver sleeping at my feet. Kat nodded and I sat down.

"That would explain the dried and pale complexion of yours when you had stumbled into me," Kat said. She was making a bracelet out of some string she kept in her back. She looked up from her work. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't really lie," I said, my eyes on the changing sky. "I just didn't tell you the full truth."

"True," she said, standing. She walked over and sat next to me, to my right. She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed. "I would have like the truth though. The full truth. It still doesn't explain why you're running from your brothers. It's not like you've done anything bad. All you did was cry which, by the way, tough guy, isn't a bad thing."

"I guess," I said. A wolf howled in the distance and Silver's ears came up. Shadow's ears laid flat against her head. Kat howled back, long and loud, and Silver and Shadow joined in, taking up the same note. Other wolves all around us did too as well and I chuckled. Soon we saw about 8 glowing eyes looking at us. Silver stood and growled, looking at each of the pair of glowing eyes. The alpha male stepped forward and walked over to Silver, his teeth bare. Kat glared at the Alpha.

"Bare your teeth here and your throat is slit," Kat said, her hand holding mine.

"How can a human understand us?" Alpha growled.

"Not just _this_ human can understand you," I said, Kat's power flowing though her hand into my body. "I can also."

"What are you two?" Alpha growled, his teeth no longer bare. Silver stepped forward as the Alpha female stepped forward.

"They are the Protectors," Silver said, standing tall.

"Mentor," the Alpha female said, her ears flat and her tail between her legs. She walked forward and she toughed Silver's muzzle with hers. "I am Sia and this is my mate, Kata."

"We heard your call," Kata said, his mate returning to his side. "We came to answer."

"I was the one who called," Kat said. "I need help. We do."

"What can we do to help?" Sia asked, bowing her head.

"We need guidance through these lands," Kat said. "We need the help of the native wolves here."

"To where?" a male wolf asked from the other eyes.

"To the other edge of this land," Shadow said. All the eyes of the new wolves landed on her and many backed up. Kat frowned and Silver growled but Shadow stood her ground.

Shadow had midnight black fur with a silver streak like a lightning bolt down her muzzled from between her ears. Even though she was a gray wolf, she didn't look like it. Most of the wolves began to mutter among each other and the male wolf who had spoken up had bared his teeth.

"Bare your teeth here and your throat is slit," Kat snapped at the male. The male's ears became flat against his head and his tail went between his legs.

"What is a monster like that doing here?" was one thing Raph had caught and he instantly gripped his sai.

"We won't help you," Kata said, glaring at Shadow who stood proud.

"You _will_ help us if you value your lives and land," Kat said.

"Your lives I can take easily," I said, pulling a sai out and spinning it. Almost all the wolves backed away and I smiled. That usually worked. "So, are you going to help us?"

"What do we get in return?" Sia asked.

"An easy meal for a year as well as healthy cubs for the next two," Kat said and Sia nodded. With that, Kat and I stood and followed the native wolf pack with Silver and Shadow on our heels.

A/N: I'll try and get Chapter 5 up as soon as possible.


	5. Lost Lands

Lost Forever  
Chapter 5: Lost Lands

A/N: Here's Chapter 5.

Disclaim: I do not own the TMNT.

I laughed. There was nothing funnier that Kat's face when she's mad and frustrated at the same time. It's been a week since we last had almost seen my family again. It's getting too close of calls now but ever since we made it through the lands we had asked for guidance in, we haven't had any worries.

"Shouldn't you face your family?" Kat asked, settling next to me under our crappy lean-to. My smile switched from glee to gloom. I rolled over and sigh. In our lean-to, you had to lie down or get caught in the rain. "You should you know."

"And get forced to listen to Leo and Master Splinter lecture me again? Hell no," I said. "Then I would have to deal with Mike too. Donnie's sympathy would make me sick. And he would add anger to it to make my sickness spicy. They don't need me. They're better off without me any ways."

"How do you know?"

Rain began to pour on our lean-to as the silence hung in the air. My eyes landed on my bag, near my waist and something was hanging out of it. I shifted and pulled the thing all the way out. I had slipped into the Lair real quick to pack a bag with a few fundamental things. In my haste, I had grabbed a thing Leo had given me when we were kids. When we were no older that 4 or 5.

- - - - -

Leo and I were helping Master Splinter gather supplies in the sewers. This was our first trip and Leo had spotted something in the water. He grabbed a stick and pulled whatever it was over. It was a cloth of some sort and Leo beamed at it. He hid the cloth in his bag that he was using just as Master Splinter and I walked over.

"Come, Leonardo," Master Splinter said. "It's time to go home."

Leo nodded and I looked at him, as if he was wearing a strange hat or tie. He was wearing a mug expression of I-didn't-do-any-thing kind of look that Mike always wears. Leo shot a glare at me and I ran after Master Splinter.

When we got to the Lair, we were told to place our bags in the kitchen and then go have a little free time. We both nodded and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Raph," Leo said, digging into the bag he had. "Look at what I found."

He pulled out the cloth.

"Why did you pick that thing up?" I asked.

"I wanted to get it for you," he said, embarrassed a little. "I was going to wash it before I gave it to you."

I chuckled.

"You're a good bro, you know that Leo?" I said. "You should wash it and keep it for yourself."

I left the kitchen and walked to my room, picking up the book I had been reading earlier. As I read farther into the book, I began to fall asleep. Soon, I was sleeping with the book on my chest.

When I opened my eyes, I sprang to a sitting position. The book was gone and a red, small blanket that was tie-died with blue was covering me. I looked up and noticed my brothers had gone to bed and that I had slept through the rest of the day. I looked at Leo and smiled lightly. I got up and walked over to his bed, the blanket rapped around me. I climbed up next to him and slid under the covers with him, the tie-died blanket over both of us.

- - - - -

A tear slipped down my face. I brushed it away as I held the ragged tie-died cloth. Kat was asleep behind me and the rain was pouring down on us by the buckets. I lied my head on the pillow I had with the tie-died cloth held against my chest as I slipped into sleep.

- - -

"Raph?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you run?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of you."

"Why me?"

"You were the one I harmed. I'm a monster."

"No, you're our brother."

"Not any more. You guys are better off without me."

"Raph, we're falling apart. You kept the blanket all these years when there were so many chances to get rid of it. You have it now."

"I had grabbed it by ."

"You grabbed it because you weren't ready to let go."

"I need help."

"You have it."

"I do?"

"Kat."

"She's my help?"

"Yes."

"Leo?"

"Yeah."

"Don't die, please."

"You too."

- - -

"Sleepy head, time to get up," Kat said above me.

"Five more minutes," I mumbled into my arm as I just swatted air above my head where I thought she was.

"No time for that," she said, her voice becoming low. "They're near."

I jumped up, scooped everything into my arms and stuffed it into the right bag and pulled mine on. Kat chucked.

"What?" I asked.

"You forgot this," she said, holding up the tie-died blanket. I ed it from her.

"When did you get this?" I snapped.

"While you mumbled in your sleep," she said, standing and stretching. "You seem a bit more at ease than normal."

"I didn't have a nightmare again," I said, looking at the blanket in my hand now as we began to walk. "Leo was talking to me. Just talking."

"Did it help?" Kat asked, looking at me.

"Yeah," I sai, stuffing the cloth into my bag. "It's was better than the nightmare, that's for sure."

"I bet," Kat said with a smile.

We walked in silence for a while, the birds singing overhead, other animals moving around among the trees. Silver had her ears perked and her tail up. She seemed eager which usually wasn't like her.

"What is it?" Kat asked and our little group stopped. "A loner? Here?"

"What's going on?" I asked.

"There's a loner wolf working for your brothers," Kat said looking back the way we had come.

"How?" I asked. "My brothers don't have your gift."

"No but there's a person who's helping them that does," Kat said, looking at me.

"We better hurry then."

"And we need to be careful," Kat said, digging into her bag and pulling out a map. "We're in the lost lands and I have no idea what lives here or the land features."

"Great," I said as she put the map away. As she swung her bag onto her back, a rustling came from the brush behind us. I pulled out my sais and Kat pulled out a dagger. A figure walked out of the brush and collapsed. We both rushed to the figure's side and Kat gently rolled the figure over. I sighed. "You've got to be kidding me."

A/N: I don't have Chapter 6 done yet. Sorry.


	6. Dream

Lost Forever

Chapter 6: Dream

A/N: Here's the last chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaim: For the last time here, I don't own them or know them. I only own Shadow, Silver, and Kat.

I knelt next to Kat. I rung out the cloth I had and dipped it into the bowl of warm water that was next to the fire. I rung it out again, but left the cloth damp. I stood and walked over to the figure that had come through the bushes. Kneeling, I placed the cloth on the figure's forehead.

"Any movement?" Kat asked, walking over with a bowl of some type of herb mixed with warm water and a cloth.

"No," was all I said before standing.

"There is nothing that could tell you that he's your brother, Raph," Kat said. "There's no cloth on him."

"I know," I said, my back to Kat. "I'm going for a walk."

"Be careful," Kat said.

I nodded and walked away, Shadow following me. I never really listen to her, never have. Just, when another mutant turtle shows up with nothing but his shell, I freak out. I don't know if there are other mutants out here or not but I doubt there is. Shadow rubbed against my leg and I placed a hand on her head. She's bigger than her mom now, which I thought was impossible, and she could easily help us carry some of our supplies if need be. She's up to my waist and I could easily ride her if she would let me and the connection between us has grown.

"I don't get it, Shadow," I said, knowing I was well out of earshot of Kat. "I never thought that my brothers would follow me or ask for help from someone with Kat's gift. I have a feeling I know who that turtle is but I pray, for the first time in my shell of my life, that it's not."

"Who is it?" Shadow asked. I somehow can understand Shadow but no other wolves. It's like she can speak my language.

"I think…I think it may be—"

Suddenly pain shot through my chest that was overwhelming. I fell to one knee while my right hand went to the wound and my left went to the ground.

"Raph, are you ok? What's wrong?" Shadow asked, licking my face and her ears flat.

"I-I don't know," I said, trying to gasp for breath. Something warm and sticky started to run down my arm and I pulled back my arm. Crimson covered my hand and I place the -cove against the wound again. I turned, anger boiling, and a sai in hand. A shadowed figure with a shotgun in their hands stood behind me. The two clicks of them preparing to fire another shot made me grip my sai tighter.

"Where's the turtle."

A command, not a question. Like I was going to tell this freak.

"Why?" I ask, Shadow by my side with her teeth bare.

"Tell that mutt of yours to stand down or it gets shot," the figure said, pointing the gun at Shadow.

"Stand down," I said under my breath. Shadow did but stayed at my side.

"You know what," the figure said, not moving their aim. "I'll shoot that damn mutt of yours if you don't tell me where he is."

"I was heading that way right now," I said, trying to make sure it didn't sound like a bluff. "Just ahead several miles."

"Show me or I kill your mutt."

_Damn, _I said to myself. _Think fast Raph._

"Let my dog go free and I'll show you," I said with a disapproval growl from Shadow.

"Fine but if you're lying to me, I'll make your painful and long," the figure said, switching the aim from Shadow to me. I knelt next to Shadow.

"Run Kat," I said and Shadow sprinted away. She knew what I meant.

"Let's head out."

I nodded and stood. I turned around and began walking the way I had intended. A howl went up and then I heard Shadow howl.

"Kat! Raph's in trouble! Send help!"

"Damn wolves."

"Hate dogs?" I ask.

"Damn beasts need to be killed," the figure said. "So do things like you."

"So why do you want the other and not just kill me?"

Who was I kidding? They probably already have but luckily the bleeding had slowed.

"Because the other has knowledge I need and you know where he is."

"So why do you want me to show you? Can't you find him on your own?"

"Shut up," the figure snapped.

"Make me." Wrong choice of words. The butt of the gun came into contact with the side of my head and I was thrown to the ground. Head throbbing and sai still in hand, I stand.

"Say anything else and I will kill you."

A howl went up and I recognized it as Silver's. Soon Shadow answered.

"Hurry!"

I sighed. They were coming and I'm hoping that the turtle that stumbled onto us was up and able to fight. Or at least well hidden.

"What are you thinking, monster?"

"Just wondering if you're a bitch or a ."

Butt, head, ground, head pulsing. My smart-ass mouth is getting my shell kicked. Sighing, I push myself to my feet.

"Make a comment like that again and I will make sure you don't come up."

"Hey, you asked what I was thinking."

"Why you—"

A growl came from the bushes on both sides of the figure who was ready to hit me with the damn gun again and me. Out stepped Silver and Shadow, her mark now visible that had been hidden by the way she had been standing earlier. Kat walked out behind me and the other turtle stepped up behind the figure. The turtle ripped the gun out of the figure's hand and threw it aside.

"Leave my brother alone," a deep voice said, coming from the other turtle.

Out of no where, an arrow lodged itself into the figure's chest and the figure collapsed. Another arrow flew as if in slow motion from the bush to my right, the other turtle's left. I ran and pushed the turtle out of the way without thinking. The arrowhead planted itself in my shoulder and went in pretty deep, pain pulling me down. Landing hard at the turtle's feet, I start to fade.

"Raph," the same deep voice called fussily.

"Leo," I said, worn out and in so much pain. "I…I'm sorry…bro. I…I should…have stayed…after I wounded you."

"Shush," the turtle said, tears streaming down his face and landing on mine. "You needed to heal your own wounds. You were forgiven before you left."

"Raph," Shadow's voice entered the growing haze. She began licking my face.

"Shadow," I said and I tried to lift my hand to rub her muzzle.

"Stay still Raph," Leo said, placing a hand on my arm. "We'll help you get better. The others are near."

"K," I managed to say before I slipped into the total darkness.

- - - - -

_Beep, beep, beep._ That damn beeping is going to drive me nuts if someone doesn't shut it up. _Beep, beep, beep. _ My headache apparently hasn't lifted. Will someone stop that damn beeping? _Beep, beep, beep._ I guess not.

"Raph?" a shaky voice asked. It was young, childish even, and unsure. "Are you awake?"

I tried speaking but I couldn't move. I couldn't even open my eyes.

"Raph?" _Beep, beep, beep._

"Raph, please wake up," a new voice entered. This one was full of knowledge but not full of wisdom. Strange on how that is. _Beep, beep, beep._

"My sons," a wise and old voice said. "Let him be."

"May I stay in case he wakes, Sensei?" the deep voice that was from earlier asked. What was the name that belonged to it? Oh yeah, Leo. _Beep, beep, beep._

"That would probably be wise," the old voice said.

Three sets of feet left with the door closing and the sound of a stool or chair being moved chaced after.

"Raph? It's Leo. I know you probably me for some reason or even yourself but please listen." _Beep, beep, beep._ "After you ran out of the Lair, Don looked me over. The wound wasn't deep or big and it soon healed nicely. After I was rapped up, I took Don and Mike up top and looked for you. When we came across a pool of dried , we feared the worse. We came back to the Lair and began planning just as it began to snow." _Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep._ "Raph, come back to us please. We need you."

"All right Fearless Leader," I muttered with a smile. I opened my eyes to see Leo catch what I had just said and notice that I was awake.

"Raph-I-"

"Get Don in here will ya? I need to know if I can fight still."

"Sure," Leo nodded after he chuckled and sighed.

He disappeared out the door and came back with not just Don but Kat too. Shadow was on their heels.

"Raph!" Shadow called out. With whatever I was lying on be as tall as my brothers' waists, she could easily lick my face.

"Hey Shadow," I said, rubbing her muzzle.

"She's been outside the door ever since we got back," Don said, looking me over.

"So what's up with me Doc," I said, rolling my eyes and not in the mood for lying around all day.

"You were shot in the chest, luckily where nothing was at, and you were hit by the arrow where the nerves to your right arm run," Don said. "I don't know if you still have some feeling in your arm or not but I'll try my best it get your arm as healed as possible."

"Sum it up, brainiac," I said. "I'm not in the mood to listen to lectures today."

"You were shot, nothing was damaged, and your right arm is unusable for awhile till the nerves heal," Don said, shaking his head.

"Thank you," I snapped. "Can I still fight?"

"No," Don said. "Not with your arm like that. We don't need it to get worse."

"Great," I mumbled, falling back onto the bed. Kat chuckled as Shadow leaped onto my chest and began licking my face. "Shadow."

Everyone in the room began laughing and, for some odd reason, I joined in. I saw, out of the corner of my eye a tear fall from Kat's eyes. I saw in her eyes a sadness I've never known her to hold. I stopped laughing and it seemed the whole world seemed to slow. She looks at me and smiles lightly, another tear falls. She takes a step back and fades from view, like she was some kind of ghost. All of the sudden I found myself in the room alone, my gaze on the spot where Kat had stood. I reached my hand out to where she had stood but pulled it back. A tear slid down my face and I bowed my head.

Kat had never found me. It was all just a dream. A dream after a fight with the Foot.


End file.
